Generally I'm one of the last to give up on an idea and at this moment I'm contemplating closing off this particular blog. While I enjoy the opportunity to express my thoughts and occasionally have it read by someone who finds it relevant to their situation, the original purpose of this blog was to step through the difficult process of relocating to the Middle East to make a life altering decision. As time goes on it becomes more and more obvious how life changing that choice was, and with hindsight it appears to have been one of the best decisions I made.
Now though, I'm no longer working to become a full time Arabic student. I did that for 1 and a half years. I made progress I never would have had I stayed in my comfortable existence in Australia. In hindsight I was naïve in thinking 1 year would perfect my Arabic, although I know now that this view is a common misconception about learning a language. Now I know that studying (not learning) Arabic is a life long pursuit and one I enjoy. It's the language that's an ocean, as opposed to a European language close to English that could be mastered in a year.
But now I also believe that the need to take on Arabic full time is no longer my number one ambition. I have others now, some even that I never imagined could become more important to me than achieving fluency in a language and acceptance in a culture that many people, including those closest to me told me was impossible. I no longer regard acceptance as something I need approval from others on. Now I see this as something I needed to accept for myself and this frees me up to accept when others tell me the same phrases I've heard all my life... but you don't look Lebanese.... you're lucky you don't look Lebanese... you talk like a skip.
As much as I hate to give up, I'm not actually giving up the pursuit entirely, I'm giving it up as being the primary pursuit for my life.
At the end of this life fluency in Arabic isn't the achievement I'd like to see on my headstone. Now with a bit more maturity (hopefully) I see there are more noble pursuits than proving everyone is wrong and showing people how determined I am. Ultimately being fluent in Arabic and English is no significant achievement of itself. Millions of Lebanese are like that and many of them don't seem to highly value and protect their Arabic culture - they seem to want to be American first and Lebanese second.
But anyway, aside from that brief generalised assessment, the real area I am now proud of is being one of a small number of people who has one foot in the East and the other in the West. Sure I'm more West leaning in looks and language, but I compensate for that with a lean to the East in interest and passion and an inherited belief system that transcends things as common as looks and language. I have a unique opportunity to adopt what I see as the best from each "World" and focus on what unites us. Yes it's a warm and fuzzy sentiment, but right now this sort of thing is more important than anytime I can remember while the tensions and misunderstandings between these two worlds only seems to be on the rise.
So where did I get to?
I might keep this blog strictly for talking about my language learning pursuits. But maybe I should look to other contributors for a fresh perspective and look at starting up another blog centred on what my life pursuit ought to be as I draw closer to the mid point of my life and perhaps even start a blog about learning French.
Now though, I'm no longer working to become a full time Arabic student. I did that for 1 and a half years. I made progress I never would have had I stayed in my comfortable existence in Australia. In hindsight I was naïve in thinking 1 year would perfect my Arabic, although I know now that this view is a common misconception about learning a language. Now I know that studying (not learning) Arabic is a life long pursuit and one I enjoy. It's the language that's an ocean, as opposed to a European language close to English that could be mastered in a year.
But now I also believe that the need to take on Arabic full time is no longer my number one ambition. I have others now, some even that I never imagined could become more important to me than achieving fluency in a language and acceptance in a culture that many people, including those closest to me told me was impossible. I no longer regard acceptance as something I need approval from others on. Now I see this as something I needed to accept for myself and this frees me up to accept when others tell me the same phrases I've heard all my life... but you don't look Lebanese.... you're lucky you don't look Lebanese... you talk like a skip.
As much as I hate to give up, I'm not actually giving up the pursuit entirely, I'm giving it up as being the primary pursuit for my life.
At the end of this life fluency in Arabic isn't the achievement I'd like to see on my headstone. Now with a bit more maturity (hopefully) I see there are more noble pursuits than proving everyone is wrong and showing people how determined I am. Ultimately being fluent in Arabic and English is no significant achievement of itself. Millions of Lebanese are like that and many of them don't seem to highly value and protect their Arabic culture - they seem to want to be American first and Lebanese second.
But anyway, aside from that brief generalised assessment, the real area I am now proud of is being one of a small number of people who has one foot in the East and the other in the West. Sure I'm more West leaning in looks and language, but I compensate for that with a lean to the East in interest and passion and an inherited belief system that transcends things as common as looks and language. I have a unique opportunity to adopt what I see as the best from each "World" and focus on what unites us. Yes it's a warm and fuzzy sentiment, but right now this sort of thing is more important than anytime I can remember while the tensions and misunderstandings between these two worlds only seems to be on the rise.
So where did I get to?
I might keep this blog strictly for talking about my language learning pursuits. But maybe I should look to other contributors for a fresh perspective and look at starting up another blog centred on what my life pursuit ought to be as I draw closer to the mid point of my life and perhaps even start a blog about learning French.
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